Even though we
need a license to do many things in life—everything from driving and operating
a forklift to practicing medicine and fishing—there is no license required when
it comes to parenting.
And parenting
today is far more difficult and very different than it was only a generation
ago. Many well intentioned moms are still using outdated parenting skills and
tools that simply do not work consistently. As a result, these moms experience
frustration, stress and 'mommy guilt' on a daily basis!
Fortunately,
there is an approach to parenting development that consistently makes
effective, good parenting a reality. I call it “Ultimate Parenting”. This
time-tested, child-proofed approach brings out your very best so you can bring
out the best in your children!
Does “Good
Parenting” Really Exist?
Good
parenting does exist, but it is, unfortunately, not the norm.
Normally, well-meaning parents struggle with their children's
common behavior problems using discipline techniques that deliver inconsistent
results and fail to teach children how to learn from their mistakes. Many
commonly used forms of discipline and punishment actually lead to more
misbehavior and only teach children to not get caught next time!
For me (and the moms I counsel), good parenting is about bringing
out the very best in your childrenusing techniques that teach them respect, responsibility and compassion.
Top 10 Tips for
Good Parenting
The key to
parenting success? Start following these top 10 parenting tips below and you
will actually motivate your children to want to be well behaved!
Tip #1 – If you
love your kids—put yourself first!
Far too many children
are living with a mom who is unhappy, frazzled and stressed out. Children
flourish when they are raised in a home with happy, balanced parents. The best
way to give more to your children is by giving more to yourself: by doing this,
you can become a valuable role model for them of a happy, healthy adult.
Giving more to you also means you'll be able to give more to your
family. “But I don’t have time!,” I hear many moms whine. We all have 24 hours
in a day, and we all need to make wise choices that put the main priorities in
our life first. If we are repeatedly burning the midnight oil, we may be on the
brink of burnout—not a pleasant event for you or your family.
Tip #2 – If you
are married—put your marriage before your kids!
Most of us have heard of
Generation X and Generation Y. But did you realize that Generation S—Generation
Spoiled—is on the rise? Many children today are raised with an unhealthy sense
of entitlement because their family has made them the center of the universe. And
with divorce statistics still hovering at 50%, children are far too often
coping with unhappy, failing marriages.
A
key to good parenting is to have a happy marriage in which your children can
thrive—a partnership which they can use as a model for their future
relationships. Take a stand and put some time into your marriage—for your
family’s sake!
Tip #3 –
Cherish your children
No matter what your
situation—no matter how often your children drive you crazy—know there are
thousands of women in this world who would gladly trade places with you in a
heartbeat. There are women who would give anything to have a child period.
Strive to remember how truly fortunate you are.
Hug
your children at least three times a day. Tell them often how grateful you are
to have the opportunity to be their parent and to become a better woman—and
mother—for it!
Tip #4 – Teach
your kids to fish (rather than fish for them)
Many moms (and dads) do
everything for their kids. This only robs their children of the opportunity to
learn self-reliance—a vital key to their self-esteem. One of the best things
you can do is to help your kids learn how to do for themselves.
Chapter
seven of my award winning book, When You’re About to Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your
Kids With You is called
"How To Get Your Kids Doing Their Chores Smiling". Some parents think
I am from another planet when I even suggest that kids can learn to do chores
with a smile on their face. But then they are happily amazed when they see it
is possible. Keeping house (washing dishes, doing laundry, housecleaning, etc.)
can teach them basic life skills everyone needs to know. And chores give
children the opportunity to contribute to the household in a positive way.
Watch your kids flourish when you guide them to contribute in meaningful ways
to you and your family!
Tip #5 – Focus
on what you like (instead of what you don’t like)
If children aren't being
appreciated and aren't getting attention for what they do well—and when they
behave well—you better believe they will learn to get attention for not
behaving well!
The
more you notice what you like about what they're doing, the more you will
inspire your child to repeat their good behaviors and achievements.
Tip #6 – Give
respect and respect it in return.
Don’t do
anything to your child that you wouldn’t want your child to do to you. The list
of things you don’t want to be doing includes yelling, hitting, spitting,
making fun of people and putting others down. There are far better ways for you
to handle conflict, stress and common misbehaviors. Commit to learning these
“Ultimate Parenting” tools that are based on mutual respect.
Tip #7 – A
family that plays together stays together!
Have fun—play
with your kids! Laughing, tickling, and playing together is the foundation of a
happy home. Having fun can go a long way in providing your family with much
needed quality time and in preventing much of the needless conflict and
behaviors that drive you crazy. Children who experience a regular dose of
quality time with their parents do not need to act out to get their attention.
Tip #8 – Pick
your fights wisely and fight honorably.
Kids need to
feel in control of certain areas of their life. They also need boundaries.
Create family rules but ensure that there is flexibility too. For instance a
family rule might be that the common areas of the home need to be clean before
bed, but the tidiness of the children’s room are left up to them (as you can
always shut their bedroom door if the lack of order really bugs you). Fights are
based upon two people with opposing views—sometimes a third way can be found
that works for both you and your child. Look to find this alternate way. If
there is no third way agreeable to both you and your child ensure you present
your request in a firm but gentle manner. Remember to stay focused on the issue
rather than trying to be right!
Tip #9 – Say
what you are going to do and stick to it.
Most parents
unknowingly teach their kids to not listen to them. If you consistently repeat
yourself and then don’t follow through on what you've said, you are teaching
your kids to ignore you (and especially to ignore you the first time you say
you're going to do something). If you are not going to do what you say your are
going to do—you are basically teaching your children that your word is muck and
can’t be trusted. By following through on your word consistently you will begin
to pave the road that leads to your children hearing you the first time.
Tip #10 – Find
Your G-Spot!
In my book When You're About to Go Off The Deep End, Don't Take Your
Kids With You , I talk
about the importance of finding what I call your God-Spot. Whatever higher
power you believe in, having faith that things will all work out in the end
goes a long way to getting you through those “deep end” moments.
Face
it. You are going to mess up some days! There will also be days when you just
want to cry. So hang on to your faith. When the unexpected happens, it may be
all you have to help you make it through.
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